11.3 The Wall

Imagine a wall. It’s grey and constant, it seems insuperable. You are standing there and you are looking at the wall. Your whole life you’ve fought and tried to negotiate it. And now you are standing here, bare trees behind you, the leaves already fallen. Someone has already swept them, but now they are distributed, in all directions, away with the wind. Snow is falling down, you shake. 
It’s really cold and you are standing here, alone in front of a drastic wall. Tears run down your pale face while you are desperately calling. “Help me!”, you’re calling. “Help me; I can’t do it on my own!” Snow is falling down, more and more, you’re not able to identify all you see because of the fog. 
Wait, you can hear something. Hopeful you are calling a second, a third time. The wall grows, it gets bigger and bigger. You are one step before giving up, now you’re screaming and crying, desperately, you haven’t got control of your voice anymore. Some seconds ago there was someone…
You have to concentrate yourself, now you can hear them, the voices which depart laughing. You’re not laughing with them, you’re alone. The sky gets dark, the wall comes closer. Help me! It’s difficult to breath. Your fingers are unable to move because of the coldness and your legs hurt. With your last power you try to call, a whispered, desperate, unheard “Help!”

11.4 At the beach

I’m at the beach. Slowly I walk along the North Sea, the music is blaring in my ears. Waves break next to me and spume splashes on my feet. It seems as surreal as the rain. My hair sticks wet on my forehead, but  I’m not trying to remove it, I just keep on walking  and listen to the music. This is the soundtrack, the music of this moment. My eyes notice a stone, beautifully smooth and glimmering it stands out from the other stones everywhere. I keep it before the next wave is going to take it with it. Carefully but unhesitantly I climb on some rock fragments und stand on top of a small cliff, having a wonderful  view at the never ending sea. I let my mind wander and  think about to be carried away by the waves, to a place far away where no one knows me and where I can live in an endless summer.  With a smile on my face I lift my arms, I’m flying, I’m falling into the wild water. Playing with the thoughts. The bass accompanies the strength of a wave which bounces at the stones and rains over me. I’m smiling. 

11.5 Drift bottle

I am a drift bottle. Thrown into the endless ocean by anyone. I am carrying a message. It’s a letter of a curious child who wants to be like a character in his favorite novel. I can imagine a small boy sitting at the coast, I can nearly see him. He is very proud of himself for writing a letter to someone unknown. He thinks about all the magical places around the world where his message could get to, places he imagines in his naive mind, places he has heard about and places he has seen in movies or he has read of in his books. He wants to experience adventures or to find a friend somewhere in the world, someone with a life totally different from his own. A child like many others, with dreams and hopes which never are going to become reality. But that’s not important, because he owns something that most adults have lost and forgotten a long time ago; he has got his fantasy. And as long as he believes in it, I will try to get to someone exciting, someone, who makes this child experience something like it happens in novels. I’ve been found many times, each time I heard an astonished voice before hands fished me out of the water. But nobody looked as adventurous as this child deserves. And all the people read the letter and threw me back into the ocean. I can’t understand it, isn’t a small boy worth enough to spend some minutes writing an answer that makes him smile? He’s still waiting for an answer, he’s still hoping and I don’t want him to be disappointed, I’ll try to reach someone who makes a small dream of a small boy come true.

11.6 The one

She has always been there, nearly every day she accompanies you. She accentuates many important moments in your life, the happy and the sad ones. You can’t remember recognized her the first time, she was next to you when you still weren’t able to recognize anything. She walked with you above all the mountains you had to climb onto, through all the depressing days when you felt lonely and through your whole childhood. Since your ears were able to listen to something, you noticed that she was all around you and when your feet were able to carry you, you noticed that she was all around everything in the world. And you know that she will always be there. She won’t let you alone; she will always be with you and help you getting through all that comes. Yes, people come and go, everything is constantly changing, even yourself. But one thing you can trust; the unbelievable power of music. She makes you feel happy, she makes you forget your worries and anger, she makes you laugh and sometimes she makes you cry. Some songs let you remember something you have forgotten, a memory of your childhood, a moment you wanted to remember your whole life, how you felt in one situation. You just have to listen to a song and you feel moved back, you’re again the child and see your mum sitting next to you and singing your favorite song. Or maybe you are again the confused teenager, you think of a certain person every time you hear this song. One day you listen to some songs and remember the time now, how you danced and felt like you are flying, how music makes you happy. Music is everywhere, during your whole life. And don’t forget, you just have to listen and you will find her everywhere.

12.1 Fat and ugly

In a kitchen somewhere in Germany a girl is sitting at a table. If you look at her from behind you just see her sitting there, not moving at all. Her long, glossy, blond hair falls gently over her shoulders, there’s no wind which could blow them. Her back is straight, a good posture, she looks like a girl who looks after herself and who cares about her appearence. She wears jeans and a big sweater, therefore you can just guess her figure. Her legs seem muscular, she maybe is a very sporty person. Her whole body is well proportioned, no kilo too little. If you come closer, if you approach her carefully and look into her face, you can see a pretty girl at the age of maybe 14 or 15. Her skin is tanned, but right now she seems to hide from the sun. Next to the magazine which lays in front of her, there is, still warm, a pizza. Look in her eyes, you can see the eyes of a hungry girl, it has been a long time since she ate a pizza! She looks at the magazine, at big photo of her favourite singer. Hips, belly, legs, everything is well formed, is just perfect. 
Fury seizes her, she throws the plate on the floor. It rattles, shards into pieces. The door opens, her mother comes in and looks at the food laying on the floor,then at her furious daughter. 
“What happened? Why does your pizza lay on the floor?” “Leave me alone! Go away with your f***ing pizza, with your f`***ing pizza! I don’t want it. Leave me alone, get lost!”
Speechless the mother walks toward her daughter, but now she starts crying and totally freaks out. “Get lost!” Mournful the mother leaves the kitchen.
The girl looks at the closed door, at the shards on the floor. Actually she doesn’t want to be alone and she really wants to eat. She sinks to the floor, still crying. “Fat and ugly.”, a voice inside her whispers. Numbers are now floating through her mind, calories, they are everywhere. How many hours she has to spend jogging for eating something outside her diet-programm? Pictures are coming into her mind, the beautiful thin singer, all the girls at her school. They all are beautiful. Beautiful, because they are thin. “Fat and ugly.” She picks up one of the shards and leads it to her wrist. “Fat and ugly.”

12.4 Noer

Monday morning. The first thought when I wake up: I hate Mondays! But the second thought: It’s a special Monday. Today starts the time in NOER! Screaming out the last sentence, I jump out of my bed and hurry with all these things like taking a shower, eating breakfast and, of course, packing the last things into my suitcase: cappuccino, tea, a lot of sweets and fairy lights. I constantly look at the clock, singing a song we’ve learned last year. All the memories in my head… I’m so unbelievable happy! The doorbell rings – let’s go.
Driving to Noer with friends in one car, that’s nearly perfect. Leonie, Chantal, Friederike and me, we’re all happy and in a good mood, that’s really a rarity. We’re on the way to a marvelous place, five days far away from everything. 
The moment when we enter the area, no, actually when we first see the castle, it feels like coming home and nothing else is important.
One hour later, the first rehearsal. I look around and I just see smiling faces. Well, except for some I am not sure why they are in the choir. I think because of getting the mark or having a week without school. For them, Noer means something totally different. But even these ones seem to be relaxed. We start singing. “There is sunshine in the morning…“ Smiling faces everywhere. “There is music everywhere, it’s all around to make our spirit bright. Mmh mh mh mh mmh…“ I can’t explain how much I love this atmosphere. All the sorrows are far away, all the stress and problems. For five days exist only nice people, music and this wonderful feeling.